Chapecoense: 'I've a dual feeling about being alive,' says goalkeeper Nivaldo 巴西沙佩科恩斯足球隊：守門員Nivaldo說「我對於能夠活著有兩種不同的感受。」
There
is a real sense that Chapecoense goalkeeper Nivaldo is struggling with survivor
guilt as he comes to terms with the hand he's been dealt by fate.
當巴西沙佩科恩斯足球隊的守門員Nivaldo 面對命運之手的同時，深受生還的愧疚感所苦。
Nineteen
of his teammates, along with 19 other club staff, were among the 71 who died,
while three players were among the six survivors of the plane crash in Colombia
Monday.
星期一在哥倫比亞發生的空難，他的19名隊員和其他19名隊裡的工作人員都在71名的死亡者之中，而在六名生還者中有三名是隊內的選手。
The
42-year-old Nivaldo was left out of the squad for the first leg of the
Brazilian side's South American Cup final match against Atletico Nacional in
Medellin Wednesday, spared the trip to get ready for his 300th appearance for
the club in front of home fans this weekend.
42歲的Nivaldo沒有參與星期三於麥德林舉行的巴西南美盃足球賽與國民競技隊決賽的第一回合中，他為了準備這周末他的第三百場比賽能在家鄉粉絲的主場表現，而倖免於此意外。
"That
was in his (coach Caio Junior) head and it's my destiny," Nivaldo told CNN
from the club's stadium. "I have dual feeling about being alive today but
deep in my heart what if I had gone?"
在球隊的球場中Nivaldo告訴CNN：「那都在他（教練Caio Junior）的腦海中，而這是我的命運，對於今天的生還我有雙重的感受，但在我心中深深感受到如果我走了會怎麼樣？」
'No explanation' 沒有解釋
The
small club from Santa Catarina state was decimated by the loss, and Nivaldo
wonders what the future holds for the team.N
來自聖卡塔琳娜州的小俱樂部遭受到很大的損失，Nivaldo也想知道足球隊的未來會如何。
"Today
we have nothing," he said. "We have our fans. The strength of a city
and the strength of the entire world which is helping us and who is wishing
Chapecoense to recover.
他說：「現在我們什麼都沒有，但我們還有粉絲、城市的力量和全世界的力量，他們都在幫助我們並期望沙佩科恩斯足球隊能恢復。」
"This
is also a very difficult moment for me. But as I said I need to be strong. I
have to be strong.
「這對我來說也是非常困難的時刻，但就像我說的一樣，我需要堅強，我必須堅強。」
"There
is a game on the 11th -- I don't know if we have athletes to play. I don't know
if we are psychologically ready to enter on the field. I don't know if I can
enter the field."
「在11日有一個比賽，我不知道我們是否有運動員能參加，我不知道我們的內心是否已經準備好要上場，我不知道我是否能夠上場。」
Nivaldo
later announced his retirement, still unable to make sense of the accident.
Nivaldo後來宣布要退休了，依然無法理解這場意外。
"Tragedies
happen. It can happen to anyone," he said.
他說：「悲劇是會發生的，它可能發生在任何人身上。」
"There
is no explanation. You see that video they posted. All happy. And here our
hearts are in our hands."
「沒有任何解釋，你看他們上傳的影片，他們很開心，而現在我們的心掌握在我們自己手中。」
Nivaldo was consoled by his sister as he
met reporters at Chapecoense's stadium in the aftermath of the fatal crash.
在這場奪命意外的劫後餘生，當Nivaldo在沙佩科恩斯足球隊的球場與記者見面時，他的姊姊安慰著他。
Chapecoense is little known outside of
Brazil but the top-flight side punched above its weight and was heading to the
Colombian city for the biggest game in its history.
沙佩科恩斯足球隊在巴西以外的地方沒有什麼名氣，但他們頂級的球隊超越他們的實力，並前往哥倫比亞參加他們歷史上最大的比賽。
"Chapecoense pays badly but was able
to do what the bigger teams couldn't," added Nivaldo.
Nivaldo補充道：「沙佩科恩斯足球隊的待遇雖然不是那麼好，但能夠做到其他大球隊無法做的事情。」
"Our strength has always come from the
locker room. Few players but those who were there were dedicated to
Chapecoense.
「我們的力量總是來自更衣室，雖然只有很少的隊員，但在那裡的人都會盡心貢獻於沙佩科恩斯足球隊。」
"You could feel their heart when they
put on that jersey for the club."
「當他們穿上隊內的球衣，你能感受到他們的心。」
